January 15th: Linoleum more like winoleum

linoleum

Ooh. Also, ah.

I don’t want you to think based on yesterday’s post that I’m getting too fanciful, too big for my breeches, what with all the GENTEEL, FADED GLORY of my apartment. No, I know my place! And here is a triptych to balance out yesterday’s: I give you the cornucopia of linoleum. Not just any linoleum, either, some very special linoleum. A lot of scorn is heaped upon linoleum; home-shoppers on HGTV bemoan its presence in potential homes and put it, along with laminate, on top of the got to go list. If they have the wherewithal to take on such relatively minor, cosmetic changes to begin with, because many don’t, because they are babies.

Anyway. I don’t really care one way or the other. I think the linoleum in my apartment, though, is so ugly it should be celebrated.

The floor on the far left is in the spare bedroom. I actually almost legitimately like it. I mean, pebbles are sweet, right? You can pretend you’re on a dry river bottom. Yeah, that’s the ticket. The middle floor is in my kitchen. When I saw the apartment for the first time, I was immediately struck with the thought “This kitchen is sort of insane” and then a split second later, “I have to have it.” Like if I didn’t stick up for this misguided floor, no one would. The far right floor might be the most special of all. I thought it was just some weird abstract pattern until my mom saw it for the first time and pointed out that it was actually supposed to look like carpet.

Linoleum as carpet? Makes perfect sense. All of the look, none of the tactile comfort and warmth.

(Can you tell I haven’t wanted to go outside lately? When I was out yesterday, the wind was blowing so cold it made my eyeballs hurt.)

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9 thoughts on “January 15th: Linoleum more like winoleum

  1. Wow. That linoleum is so… wow. Thanks for the pictures, I wouldn’t have believed it without photographic proof.

  2. And tramlines in the kitchen will help with directional difficulties, days and nights when you just don’t want to look up and see where you are going. The carpet one? Somebody thought is was a good idea, someone out there designed it, loved it to completion for someone to buy it. People are amazing right?

    Jim

    • I was gonna chalk up the carpet linoleum to being a product of its times, when the material was so novel that people just lost their minds at the marvel and decided that anything goes, had some crazy high-concept design ideas instead of treating it as more utilitarian flooring. But then I read that linoleum was much older than I thought, so I really don’t know what was going through their minds.

  3. Geez, I thought that was carpet at first; I wondered how it fit in with the linoleum. That’s crazy. You make me wish I had some pics of the sweet linoleum I’ve lived on in my life. Lol. But um, I am such a person that will say “Be Gone Linoleum, thou shalt be replaced!” Then again we’ve also purchased some pebble-patterned linoleum on a sweet discount and said “Ha ha thou shalt take root in a bathroom!”

    Cheers!
    eLPy

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